


my lamb and martyr

by suji-sheep (JujuBardie)



Category: Dir en grey, Jrock, Kiyoharu (Musician), Kuroyume, Merry (Band), Music RPF, Sukekiyo (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bathroom Sex, Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Choking, Come Overflow, Come Swallowing, Consensual Sex, Deepthroating, Drinking, Dry Humping, Dry Sex, Dubious Consent, Falling In Love, Fishnets, Foot Jobs, Force Choking, Forced Ejaculation, Forced Orgasm, Friends to Lovers, Genital Torture, Leather Kink, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masochism, Master/Pet, Nipple Play, POV Third Person Omniscient, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Power Bottom, Power Dynamics, Public Humiliation, Public Sex, Rape Fantasy, Rape/Non-con Elements, Restraints, Reunion Sex, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sadism, Senpai-Kouhai Relationship, Sex Addiction, Sex Work, Sexual Violence, Situational Humiliation, Size Difference, Sloppy Makeouts, Teasing, Urination, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:15:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9319244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JujuBardie/pseuds/suji-sheep
Summary: After a period of being apart due to their busy schedules, Gara and Kyo have an intimate reunion before their bands are scheduled to perform. This encounter would later bring back a spark in Gara, one which he just can't seem to put out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a quick plot that was thought up on the spot, this was two years in the making, partially due to time constraints and procrastination...orz

" _Ah..._ Oh god, I don't know if I can do this..."  
  
"Relax, we haven't even started yet. Plus we’re running on borrowed time."  
  
It's hard to relax when your own senior is rubbing on your body, his right arm lifting up your shirt, as his hand starts to roaming all over your flat stomach, while the other hand is busy twiddling with one of your nipples. As a matter of fact, Gara began to feel uneasy as this was all being done in a restroom stall in a livehouse venue of all places, and the fact that their bands were scheduled to perform later that night at this place. Despite his reluctance, he was already getting hard down there, probably from Kyo's tent pressing up on him. The stench in the stall was almost unbearable for the sensitive vocalist, like someone had taken a piss and then just left it there, not flushed for days. Luckily for him, this toilet appeared somewhat clean, as he had no choice but to lean over it, his bony arms trying to hold him up on the wall, as Kyo was right behind him. The shorter man began to suck on his junior's neck, getting a quiet yelp from the other.    
  
"Ah, Makoto...I'm so glad to see you. I've missed you," Kyo murmured in the midst of his lustful frenzy. He then bit down on the bridge that separated Gara's neck from his shoulder, as he slowly began to thrust into him, despite also being clothed.  
  
Feeling his face heat up, Gara stiffened at the pain of the bite and the suddenness of the thrusts, keeping his hold on the walls for dear life. It wasn't just that he was being his usual rough self, but if he kept going at this rate, the thinner man was bound to literally break apart.  
  
"Kyo, please, be careful!" he managed to whisper. Now screeched to a halt, Kyo scowled at the mere act that Gara was giving him orders, but because it was Gara, he decided to let it slide this one time. He stopped rubbing on Gara's body and slightly lifted up the back of his dress shirt and saw the scar that was forever imprinted on his lower back.   
  
"Ah, yes, that's right, your back. I'll try to be more careful, don't wanna help pay for yet another hospital visit,” he hissed as he licked on the scar, “Not for that at least; I plan on breaking _everything else_ anyway."  
  
"Hmph. You still haven't changed a bit, have you?"  
  
Kyo chuckled. He then stopped playing with the younger man's chest and forced his head to turn towards his, feeling the bony texture of his cheeks, something that had always fascinated him ever since they first met. They stared at each other for what almost felt like an eternity, trying to figure out the other's next move, admiring the physical features that have gone unnoticed in the past. Gara was not perfect, Kyo reminded himself. The fellow veteran, who he used to acknowledge as "just another kid", was beginning to get more wrinkles added onto his delicate face from age. He still had those distinct cheekbones, which seem to have become more prominent than before. He also still had those pretty eyes, that well-rounded nose, those distinct effeminate lips. He could never forget those...just remembering the taste of them made his mouth moist.  
  
Without thinking, he shoved those luscious lips onto his, his tongue breaking and entering into that place he sorely missed. He lifted Gara's shirt up yet again, this time embracing him with open arms. It's been so long since he's tasted this, since he's heard those small sighs from the other, since he's held him this close...it was like he was revisiting the past yet again. The lust between them was definitely strong by that time; Gara knew this too, he was the one to initiate it in the first place.  
  
It's been a while since he's received a kiss like this, since he's felt his face heat up in a moment like this. The fact that it was forced made him even more hard, to the point where the zipper on his pants began to protrude. He hadn't had the chance to enjoy something like this in a while, always busy touring or working on his music. The last time it was like this with Kyo was many years ago, when he was caught red-handed with his dick in his hand, as Kyo bombarded his hotel room for a quick talk. Instead of actually doing whatever he was there to do, Kyo had decided to help him out, much to Gara's surprise, and they ended up sleeping together for the first time.  
  
"Hehe..." the leader snickered over the other's lips, putting one hand over his junior's erection, "I take it you're ready already?"  
  
Catching his breath, Gara only looked down, away from him, not bothering to respond.  
  
"Hmph."  
  
Kyo then commanded Gara to turn around, much to the latter's confusion and mild amusement. As he was about to unbuckle his belt, Gara was stopped in his tracks as Kyo quickly grabbed his wrists, greeting him with a shit-eating smirk and pointed to his own belt, tapping the tip of his finger on the buckle.  
  
_Dammit._ He had no other choice but to abide to his orders, otherwise he’d regret it afterwards. The suited man kneeled down and started unbuckling Kyo’s belt at a faster pace than he intended to, and felt Kyo’s hand lightly press down on the fedora he was wearing. After that was done, he moved on to the zipper, eagerly pulling it down, and was happily greeted with a bulge coming from his dark underwear. There was a small wet spot, fresh from his erection, and Gara didn't think twice to grab on the underwear and pull it down to just below his leader's bulging cock.  
  
His mouth watered. It was still magnificent as ever, just as it had been many years ago, thick and dark, compared to Kyo's small stature. Although it was dirty and unkempt, Gara still believed that it had a certain charm to it, and can do wonders, so looks didn't really matter to him. This was Kyo, after all. His heart would have likely burst out of his chest as he put one hand around Kyo's dick and hungrily plunged it nearly inside his throat.  
  
While the other's cock slid on his tongue, Gara began to relive the true glory days, tasting his leader's precum and savoring it like it was dessert that he hadn't had in many years. As he assisted the smaller man with stroking his dick, he sucked deeper, almost engulfing the entire thing, but it was so big, and he longed to just stuff it in his throat and choke from it. Much to the receiving partner's amusement, the thin vocalist was hungry and desperate, even more hungry than he had ever been for food. His tongue swirled around the unclean area, cleaning off the juices and smegma that were present in the area and also teasing the foreskin as an added bonus. It was like he was sweet sixteen again, feeding off of men like Kyo just to get by with life.  
  
Kyo inhaled as he started to adapt to his current situation. It had also been a while since he’s enjoyed this, and it showed below. He remembered thinking that his junior was much better at blowing him than any of the women he ever slept with. However, it was getting a bit boring for him, as Gara was technically in control. Throwing Gara’s precious hat off onto the floor, he grabbed at his kohai’s long dark hair, and began thrusting into his throat, the latter choking and grunting in annoyance.  
  
“If you even think of biting down, I'll make you scream so loud that everyone in the venue will hear you…”  
  
The older vocalist pushed down deeper, so deep that Gara’s eyes and nostrils began to water, which smeared his eyeliner. He gagged, but not to the point of accidentally spitting the cock out. Now beginning to give in to temptation, Gara reached down to his pants zipper, but not before he was abruptly kicked by the one who he was obviously inferior to. Flinching, he briefly surveyed the damage done on his aching hand, but shook it off as he didn't even bother to remove himself from Kyo’s dick. He knew better than to do that, especially when Kyo was in this sex-crazed state. He was lucky his hand was shielding him at least.  
  
“Next time, it'll be my foot on your face.”  
  
He had no idea why this still happened at his age, but Gara felt his hardened dick pulsing, ready to burst at any moment, at the sound of those words, and he wasn’t shy about voicing his excitement, his faint moans muffled by the thick meat. He looked up to gaze at Kyo, almost as if to say “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” It turned him on when his own mentor was rough like that to him, whether it was criticizing his band, or just abusing him in general.  Over the years they've known each other, the younger man grew fond of the other’s deprecation of him and adapted that into his own mindset as it was gas fuel for his negative thoughts, and he enjoyed it, oh so sadistically. The head of Kyo’s dick pounded into Gara’s esophagus to the point where it was almost impossible to breathe, or even hold back his gag reflex and he would’ve spit out his dick if it weren’t for the master continuing to push his head forward. With his remaining strength, Gara grabbed onto the other’s busy hips. In response, Kyo harshly pinched his nose shut as he continued to force his way down his throat.  
  
Intoxicated by the violation and being unable to breathe, Gara felt his body shake as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. His mind wandered off into space; at this point, he felt lifeless and had been sent off into the heavens, but he became truly happy with something for the first time in his life. He truly meant something to his longtime friend, he believed, and he yearned to be there with him more often, if it weren’t for their band activities. After his teenage years, he never thought he would experience something like this ever again, but here he was, suffocating from his senior’s love.  
  
_He loved this man so dearly..._  
  
His trance stopped as he choked from the flood of semen being unleashed in his throat, and felt more semen squirt out from his mouth and nostrils. Finally, he coughed up Kyo’s dick and collapsed on the restroom floor as cum oozed from his reddened lips and soaked his hair. His head slightly hit the brick wall as his legs extended across the stall next to them. Panting, Kyo could only stare at his friend, looking more pathetic than ever before. It was rare to see him like this, as Gara had carried himself as a calm, soft-spoken man, with a wild side to him that would come out at lives. As sad as it seemed, Kyo was satisfied that he was the one to reduce him into this state, as his own personal cum dumpster. Folding up his sleeve to check his watch, he was surprised to see that there was still plenty of time left for them together. He also noticed that, after being locked up in a stall all this time, he hadn’t heard anyone come in yet. The live event had just started, and the first band should have finished their performance by now, so there should be people coming in the restrooms shortly.  
  
Kyo’s eyes locked onto Gara’s zipper, noticing a wet spot that looked fresh. At the heat of the moment, Gara had climaxed but didn’t even realize it, and this only pissed off the veteran. Irritated, he placed his boot on the other’s groin, seeing that his cock was still hard from the ordeal. He was disgusted to see how much of a whore his old colleague had become...he pressed down to the point where Gara woke up and screamed for a second before he realized where he was. The thin man clasped his mouth shut but continued to cry out in pain as Kyo moved his foot in place, threatening to crush him like a cockroach.  
  
“You really like this, don’t you?” Kyo hissed.  
  
Clenching his eyes shut from the pain, Gara vehemently shook his head in denial.  
  
“You fucking pig. I thought you were more dignified than that.”  
  
He began shifting the tip of his boot upward, teasing the other’s glans as a result. Trembling, Gara continued to cry out for him to stop, both from arousal and agony, only muffled by his damp hands. His eyes began to water as Kyo shuffled his boot onto him; he might as well have squashed the worm that was Gara’s dick. The sadist remained calm, almost ashamed of Gara, who was still hard as a rock. He didn't quite understand his excitement, but that certainly didn't kill the mood.  
  
“ _Ah...h….s-sto~p..._ ,” Gara whimpered, “I'm gonna cum again…!”  
  
“Are you?” Kyo replied, his foot now pressing his successor’s member against his lower abdomen, the pressure now affecting his bladder. The other could do nothing but moan through his shaking hands.  
  
_Fuck!!_  
  
Gara heaved and heaved, feeling that he was going to burst at any moment, in front of his master, in front of someone he knew for most of his adult life. It would haunt him later, but right now he was lost in his own dream world where there were no consequences. This wasn’t a regular ejaculation that he would have after simply jacking off to some old horror manga or porn magazines; this was an ejaculation like no other, where he would lose control of his entire body, even his bowel movements, almost like going through an exorcism. And rightfully so, his master would be exorcising him of his obsessive lust once and for all. Despite being weighed down by Kyo, he raised up his knees and back and prepared for the inevitable. Once Kyo released his hold, a barrage of bodily fluids escaped from Gara’s body, as well as his pride. A warm mixture of piss and cum stained his pants as they overflowed over on his quivering thighs, trickling down to his ass, and onto the bathroom floor as the younger vocalist hid his face in shame. It took a few minutes to get it all out, but by the time he was through, he felt both a distorted sense of euphoria and the burn of the other’s cold stare.  
  
_Oh god...oh my god..._  
  
Kyo took a step back, leaning back against the wall of the cramped stall to survey the damage. How ironic it was to urinate in a restroom, but not to its correct outlet; how fucking pathetic, thought the shorter man, that a dignified person, who went through the tragic losses of his colleagues and recovery from a traumatic back injury, would stoop so low throughout all these years.  
  
“Piece of shit...that’s what happens when you come without my approval.”  
  
Gara sobbed quietly.  
  
“I….. _I’m sorry…_ ” he exhaled, " _I didn't mean to..._ " His hands were still stuck on his face to hide his embarrassment and to shield himself from Kyo’s eyes.  
  
Repulsed, Kyo gave him a minute to calm down as the mess was slowly drying up in Gara’s pants. He couldn’t help but simply stare at him as he found himself getting hard again over his successor’s shameful display.  
  
He had been playing him like a fiddle for all these years; everything Kyo wanted, Gara gave to him. He was basically his loyal servant, his lap dog, his little bitch. He gave in to every order Kyo enforced and took in his criticisms like fine wine. If it weren’t for their careers, he would have him all to himself and do as much as he wanted to him for the rest of his natural life. Seeing Gara in such a weakened state was a fucking godsend, a burst of adrenaline to do more. He smirked as his eyes glued onto the other’s wetted crotch.  
  
Suddenly a door opened, followed by the sound of footsteps and two men talking. Gara snapped out of his trance, especially when Kyo quickly picked him up and pinned him against the wall, cupping his mouth shut in the process. Impatiently, they both waited for the men to leave, as Gara was hoping that his precious fedora, which was thrown behind the toilet, would not be noticed.  
  
“We should have left earlier!” they overheard one of the men say, as the sink was turned on.  
  
“Why? They were pretty good!” replied the other man, as he unzipped himself.  
  
“Are you fucking kidding me?! They sucked so bad!!”  
  
Tugging on the other’s zipper with his free hand, Kyo’s groin pressed against Gara’s despite the accident spot not being completely dry yet. Why tease him at a time like this?! Gara had already been humiliated enough from getting himself in this situation right before a performance _and_ pissing himself in a fucking _restroom_ of all places. He hoped the men wouldn't notice his piss puddle. He’d rather die than get caught by strangers and have the whole venue go rampant with outrageous rumors about the two men and possibly put them at risk for other dangerous stunts. Resisting the urge to moan, Gara felt his erection stiffen under Kyo’s hand as the other began sucking on his neck again.  
  
Gara was frozen in place, he didn't know what to do. As the fans outside continued to fuss about some shitty band, all he wanted to do was to kick the bastards out and let Kyo devour him completely. Hearing the urinal flush and the sink go off, he waited in anticipation for the outcome. The next thing he knew, the door opened and then everything was silent, sans the two occupants in the last stall.  
  
Without warning, Kyo turned Gara around, once again having him bend over while standing above the toilet seat. As Gara placed his hands on the wall, he was delighted to see Kyo undoing his belt for him. He sighed in relief as the pressure from his erected dick was finally free from the confines of his ruined pants. The retched smell from his accident erupted within the stall as his pants and underwear were then pulled down swiftly as Kyo then pulled his own pants down. Although he was embarrassed, Gara coyly spread his legs further apart to prepare himself for what he was craving for the most…  
  
Then came the dreaded sound of the door opening, and another man walking in. He went straight into the first stall. Gara’s heart dropped...this was gonna be a while.  
  
And suddenly, like a surprise needle to the flesh, he felt an immense pain - he had dropped his guard as Kyo instantly pushed himself inside him, without any goddamn lube nonetheless! He yelped, initially not aware of how loud he was, and covered his mouth shut once more so as to not cause a commotion. That son of a bitch - he should know - no, he _knew_ \- he hadn’t been fucked in a long time, so it was bound to hurt this time around, especially when Kyo began thrusting into him as hard as he could. This time, Gara couldn’t hold back the tears as he felt his insides literally being ripped apart as bits of blood came out...he wanted to stop this immediately, but his cock thought differently. It began to leak into the toilet as Kyo grabbed it and stroked it. Trying to quiet himself down, he tried to speak,  
  
“ _Fuck_ , K- _Kyo,_ _please_...slow down! _I-It’s been a whi-!!_ ”  
  
The shorter man crept into his ear, “Here’s a little test for ya: try not to fuck this up. All you have to do is be quiet, no matter how bad it hurts. Ok? If you fail to do so, I’ll be happy to let all your band members know just how much of a slut you really are.”  
  
What a creep...he sounded so nice and reassuring, yet there was a condescending tone to his voice...Gara wasn’t confident that he would pass, but yet he was so excited at the same time. All that was truly important to him right now was that his beloved mentor was inside him once again. Panting heavily, he tried to block out the noises coming from the other stall, which was furthest away from theirs, thank god, as Kyo continued to stuff his insides as if he were being violated, the sound of pounding flesh being echoed throughout the whole restroom. Gara wasn’t making the situation better for himself however, as his moans also grew louder and louder with each thrust.  
  
The guy on the other end must’ve either been deaf or dumb to not seem to suspect anything. Kyo thought he could hear music blaring from his spot, like he was listening to his music player or something. Well, all the more reason to make it more fun, right? Immediately, his arms lifted Gara’s shirt up to where he could take it off of him. Throwing it on the floor, he then wrapped his arms around the frail man once more, holding him as tight as he could as to not break him completely. To up the challenge more, Kyo sped up, now making his own sounds purposefully audible for the rest of the restroom to hear. He wanted to make sure Gara’s moans could mask his own, so he decided on another useful tactic.  
  
Gara could feel his prostate being wrecked to shit due to the rough fucking and he could hardly muffle his cries at this point. It felt so fucking good, he was about to lose his mind! Sweat poured down from his face, intertwining with the dried up remnants of Kyo’s seed. Although he never had a long period without sex, he felt like he was losing his virginity all over again as he realized that he missed having a man ravish him like this. He remembered the previous encounters he had when he was briefly forced into sex work for the time being, but no man compared to Kyo. And that wasn't an exaggeration; as close as the two were, he was far more superior than any other man Gara had ever met, and he practically worshipped him. He would do anything for him, whether it was to briefly change his band’s style in order to make him happy or even get fucked in a public restroom in a place that was filled with hundreds of people.  
  
He must’ve been stuck in his own world, daydreaming, as he suddenly felt his breath slip away and a tightness to his neck. Dropping his hand from his mouth immediately, his gag echoed across the restroom and this time, he didn’t really care whether the guy in the stall, or everyone in the venue for that matter, heard him. Let them call him a faggot, a whore, whatever; at this moment, he didn’t care about protecting his reputation as the frontman of MERRY nor to fight for his own life; he was proud to be none other than Kyo’s mindless sex doll and it was going to stay that way. He’d be glad to die from being strangled by his own shirt, and in this daze, he stroked his pulsing dick to the thought of it. Kyo tied the shirt sleeves to a knot, where it was tight around Gara’s neck as he continued to pound into him and used the other end of the sleeves as handlebars, which helped him go even deeper. Close to reaching his limit, Kyo bit into Gara’s neck some more, not hesitating to leave bruised marks all over his property.  
  
“ _Ah, ah...I-I love you...Kyo~!!!_ ” Gara managed to croak out, as he quickly grew weaker and weaker.  
  
“Say it louder for me, you little bitch,” Kyo smirked. A faint flush could be heard from a distance.  
  
“I-I….,” it was so hard to follow orders while being short of breath and practically dying, “ _I...love you!!_ Plea-…. _please fuck me some more!!_ ” the other’s garbled squeals filled the atmosphere of the room, eradicating the fresh air that remained inside.  
  
The small beast continued to ravage his prey until he reached his breaking point. Spurting out loads of semen inside him, Gara followed in the same matter, squirting right into the toilet seat as he screamed bloody murder - he didn’t manage to fuck up this time. The last thing he felt was his sore arms slipping away from the wall as everything became a blur, then faded to black. As his legs buckled, he was then pushed to the side so he wouldn't end up tumbling on the toilet.

Kyo pulled out and took a breather as he admired the drenched whorish body of his old friend and the gaping, pulsing hole he would leave behind. There was something beautiful, something precious about this that he couldn't even put into words. Gara may have matured during his adult years, but still had the spirit of a budding flower. It was hard to believe that he had repressed these desires for so long, even more ridiculous to assume that Kyo himself had caused this relapse. Cleaning himself with toilet paper and discarding it onto the human trash bin, he then quickly dressed himself as if nothing happened. Looking down on Gara's feet stretched out beneath the stall door, he unlocked it only to find that there was still someone else on the other side.  
  
“Gara... _Gara!!_ ” the third man revealed as Yuu exclaimed in complete shock. His longtime bandmate and best friend was toppled over, his body mangled and in disarray as if he were a rotting carcass, exposed in the most unpleasant way possible.  
  
“W- _What the hell…?!_ ” Yuu continued before he was quickly shoved away by his producer.  
  
“Move it kid, you both have things to do,” Kyo muttered stoically. Before he turned to leave, he lifted up his sleeve to check the time.  
  
“Your performance is in an hour. Be ready.”  
  
He exited the restroom as the guitarist tended to his unconscious bandmate.

 

_What an embarrassment._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The title "The Subordinate" has been changed to "my lamb and martyr" as of the publication date of this chapter.

MERRY’s performance went as scheduled, despite the members running only a few minutes late. However, what they couldn't ignore was how uncharacteristically stiff Gara was, in only a fresh new pair of pants, as he stood in the same spot for the whole time just about. Both the members and even the fans noticed how fatigued and disheveled the vocalist already was when he limped onstage, his mangled hair sticking up all around, and there was even concern about his health throughout the Twittersphere. Yuu was relieved that it wasn't a complete failure however, as almost miraculously, Gara kept his composure as if nothing happened in the last few hours before their live.  
  
Then again, it did unsettle him quite a bit.  
  
After the show, Gara was the first to depart. To his annoyance, he was followed by Yuu, who was quick to aid him, but to no avail. His longtime bandmate rejected his help by lightly pushing him aside and kept limping forward.  
  
“Gara...we need to talk…” Yuu softly spoke, putting his arm over Gara’s shoulder before he was shoved yet again.  
  
“No we don’t!” the vocalist interjected, not even bothering to face the other man.  
  
To the best of his ability, he paced onward, with Yuu catching up from behind.  
  
“Gara, please don’t do this…this is serious,” the guitarist persuaded.  
  
God, he was like a parasite; no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get rid of him! At least the rest of the band and staff knew better than to get involved; Nero was busy trying to comfort the crowd, Tetsu and Kenichi were more introverted, and the roadies stuck to their job of minding their own business. Nonetheless, this didn’t simmer him down any, and he was so close to knocking Yuu on his ass. Burning with irritation, he forced himself to practically run backstage, the pain in his backside becoming more apparent. He felt the stares from the other bands who watched him go, and tried to ignore them too as he raced to the parking lot of the venue. He didn’t see Kyo anywhere...  
  
And as always, Yuu wasn’t too far behind.

 

 

♦

By the time they got to their tour bus, Gara was out of breath and his body was throbbing in pain. He laid down on a seat in the far back, relieved to finally be alone, or so he thought. However, to his dismay (who was he kidding, he should’ve known), Yuu came after him and kneeled next to him on the aisle. There was only heavy breathing as the two took a moment to recharge from their high speed chase.

All the blonde-streaked guitarist could think of at the moment was to comb his fingers through Gara’s long black hair; he was awkward at these kinds of things, but he hoped it was enough to calm him down. He understood how the other felt about being caught at such a private moment, whether it was downright wrong or not. It was none of his business, and he knew Gara well enough to know that. Since his back injury a couple years back though, the band was even more cautious of their leader more than ever, and as the co-founder of the band, Yuu felt it was his responsibility to protect him no matter what. He was still reeling over the elephant in the room however, who turned out to be their boss out of all people, and he couldn’t help but wonder: why? It didn’t surprise him that Kyo harbored these kinds of behaviors, but to do it to his own friend? Yuu was itching to know.

“Listen...I know what I saw and…” he began.

Gara’s head sharply rose up.

“I’m not gonna tell anyone!”

Gara sank back down. Looking at the window to watch out in case someone else came out, Yuu continued,

“I just want to know... _why him?_ ”

The image of his own friend, once stoic and introverted, now lying in a pool of fluids like a dilapidated corpse, in a public bathroom of all places, flashed back in his head. He stopped fooling with the other’s locks.

“Why did you let him do that?”

 _Why did you let him do that?_ The question stung Gara to the core. His mentor’s critical questioning of his dignity came back to haunt him.

“Why do you care…” he mumbled under his breath.

Yuu was taken aback.

“Well...I’ve known you for a long time. You’re probably the strongest person I know.”

_I thought you were more dignified than that._

“You’re bullshitting.”

“No, I _mean_ that.” the younger man began to stammer.

_Piece of shit._

The singer gave him a glare, “What exactly are you trying to say?”

The sweat beads on his forehead stuck out like a sore thumb. He should have kept his mouth shut.

“Well…” Yuu giggled nervously, then paused briefly to calm himself.

“I just...wonder. Did you do something to make him do that?”

Gara’s eyes dilated.

_What an embarrassment._

The next moment, Yuu found himself face to face with his comrade, their foreheads pressed together, his collar now clenched to the other’s shaking fist, and the other’s eyes beginning to water.

“ _SHUT UP!_ You don’t know a damn thing about me!”

And just like that, the bus was once again engulfed in silence as if it were empty again. The usually cheerful guitarist found himself in an uncomfortable atmosphere once more, and to not spark up any more conflict - and seeing that the rest of the members were coming back - he moved to another seat as Gara released him. From the other side of the bus, he made sure to keep a watchful eye out for his best friend.

♦

After what felt like the longest bus ride ever, the band arrived back at the studio parking lot and the members went on back home in their own accord. Yuu parked the vehicle at its designated spot and opted to take Gara home himself. After all, he wasn’t quite done with him just yet. Surprisingly, Gara chose to follow suit. He chose to lay down in the backseat of the other’s car.

During the ride, all he could hear was the soft sound of the running motor and all that he could see was the city lights blaring in the night sky as his eyes began to drift into a deep sleep.

He dreamed of nothing but a black void, but despite that, it helped him calm down a bit and made him forget about the unnecessary humiliation he went through. When he found himself at Yuu’s place rather than his own, he actually felt relieved. After what had transpired that day, he had wanted to be alone, but being with Yuu was fine too, probably more better for his health too. At least he seemed to care more than anyone else, it seemed.

Yuu treated his guest well. He didn’t bring up the incident once more, instead asking if he wanted a drink or to watch tv, etcetera. Gara drank tea with him for a brief moment, still giving him the silent treatment, although he was over his anger with him. When he got done, he went to find Yuu’s bedroom; the guitarist didn’t say anything.

It didn’t take long for him to find it, for Yuu’s room was filled with bright patterns that would have blinded many nocturnal eyes and would have normally made Gara puke, and prints of his own toon characters that he designed for some of the band’s goods. That included his own blanket, but Gara laid down and wrapped himself in the blanket anyway. All he wanted was something soft to lay on after laying on that bathroom floor...before he completely blacked out, he remembered a man that resembled Yuu trying to intervene and he had worried for a brief moment what Kyo would do to _him_ . Thankfully nothing else happened and he helped him clean himself up before the performance. Normally, any man who would find another man like that in the bathroom would scoff and walk away, as if they saw another turd on the floor. He had to hand it to Yuu; he had already been humiliated enough, but fortunately, he was quickly saved from being a total freakshow for the entire venue to see.

_Why did you let him do that to you? Did you do something to make him do that?_

Funnily enough, although the guitarist tried to paint the picture that Gara had been abused, he himself thought the contrary; he deserved what he got from his master, and he enjoyed every bit of it. He grew up doing this kind of thing, as he had been forced into sex work during his indie days; in fact, it was even more prevalent when he was Dir en grey’s roadie, and that was how he had gotten so familiar with Kyo beyond a personal level. Obviously he was different from most people and he thrived on being dominated, no matter how much it hurt or how embarrassing it was. He definitely hadn’t been fucked like that in _years,_ not by any other man nor a woman. Yuu just didn’t understand, and he kinda didn’t want him to. When it came to Yuu, it was complicated. He wasn't sure how he felt about him. It was he who should do all the protecting, not Yuu. Yuu didn’t have a single bad bone in his body. Whether he liked to admit it or not, he had always brightened his day just a little bit. However, he knew Kyo a bit longer than he did Yuu, but now he barely saw him anymore compared to years ago and at times like these, he enjoyed being his little pet. He was disappointed that Kyo may not hunt him down yet again in his home, but at least he was safe here, here in his precious Yuu’s sanctuary.

Yuu finally returned from the kitchen and sat down at the edge of the bed, not seeming to mind his bed being intruded.

“Makoto…”

Gara peeked out from beneath the blanket.

“I got to thinking...I didn’t mean what I said earlier,” he spoke, reluctant to look directly at the other man, “I didn’t mean to place the blame on you. I was just nervous… _scared_ even. Scared that you were hurt...I just…” he paused as he fiddled his thumbs, “I care about you a lot, and...I’m sorry.”

All that went through Gara’s head was adoration...comfort...warmth. There was so much...he held the blanket closer, not wanting to leave this room. For once, he felt...special. And this person was solely responsible. It could be argued that Kyo could do the same for him, but he had forgotten what positive special treatment felt like. He didn't have to be pushed around or taunted at to get the attention he deserved; all Yuu gave him was love and compassion, something he was rather unfamiliar with. He never put his hands on him, nor did he have a negative thing to say about him (only rarely). Even though he had berated him earlier, Yuu wasn’t mad or scared of him at all. He didn’t know exactly how to feel about that. All he felt was remorse for how he had treated him lately...

Suddenly, he grabbed at Yuu’s wrist and laid him down on the bed. Yuu began to protest, but was quickly silenced by Gara’s lips pressing against his.

Confused, Yuu could only look on as his comrade sat right on top of him and held him in place as he spread his thin hands on his chest. Panting, he hesitated as his eyes locked onto Yuu’s, the atmosphere in the room suddenly becoming still. As soon as he settled down, he began unbuttoning his pants, revealing not underwear, but black PVC shorts underneath that was tented at the front.

“M-Makoto, what are you--” a red-faced Yuu exclaimed before he was cut off by Gara’s finger pushing against his lips.

Gara proceeded to pull down his pants and discarded them on the floor to reveal the rest of his shorts, and also the ripped fishnet leggings that he wore with it. Yuu’s eyes bulged at the unexpected sight, and understandably so. The vocalist could no longer hide his affections and longed to be devoured yet again, but this time, he wanted it from someone who was likely to share those same feelings.

“Do you like what you see?” the thinner man hissed eagerly, smirking at the fear on his prey’s face.

“Wh-what?!” Yuu stammered, his plump face beginning to sweat.

He hadn’t seen him wear these shorts since his After effect days...and from the way he responded from underneath his jeans, he was happy to see them again. Realizing his error, the younger man hid his erection and turned his head away from sheer embarrassment. In response, Gara moved his arms away and placed his leather-clad ass on top of the peak. As he began swaying his hips to massage the erection with his ass, he moved closer to cup Yuu’s face.

“Don't play dumb, Yuu. It’s obvious...how you feel about me,” he moaned, as he fixed his long hair back, _“..._ I’ve known it for a while now. I've felt the same about you...and now I can't hold it in anymore.”

Again, their lips made contact and Gara was instantly in charge. His tongue ravished the taste of his bandmate who sighed beneath him as he bit the other’s bottom lip. Wrapping his thin arms around him, Gara nuzzled on Yuu’s shoulder and embraced him as if they were longtime lovers. That was partially correct however, as they had been close for many years. At this point, he couldn't imagine life without the guitarist. Despite the almost nonexistent age difference between the two, he actually looked up to him quite a bit. After all, Yuu had once rekindled the spark in his life that was once lost when his first band broke up and he had nowhere else to go. Yuu’s body shook, his neck feeling the heat of Gara’s breaths. The next minute he found himself stroking on the other’s sides as Gara rose up. His cock twitched under that tight leather, and Yuu couldn't look away...

 _Was this a dream?_ It had to be…

The vocalist then helped him take off his shirt and proceeded to kiss his already-erect nipples. On each side, his wet lips would engulf the little pink bead as his tongue swirled around the center, while his other hand would be busy pleasing the other side. Yuu flinched as Gara’s fingers pinched at the center and he felt the other’s groin grind up against his. He began to stroke the younger man's hair as the other planted more sloppy kisses on his heaving torso.

Gara came to a stopping point when he reached the zipper of Yuu’s jeans, which was still tented upwards. Greedily, he grabbed at the bulge of the other’s trapped erection with his whole hand and began teasing Yuu oh so maliciously. The guitarist wriggled beneath him, still panting heavily, much to the other’s amusement.

He hasn't felt true excitement just yet.

“Not so fast, Yuu _-kun_ …” the vocalist cooed.

Yuu looked up, his face already appearing to be flushed. He looked so precious, Gara thought, and he kissed the tip of Yuu’s cock to share his appreciation.

“I don't want to end this already...I want to put you through a test first,” Gara continued, now raising back up to place himself back on top of his partner.

“Wh- _what test?_ ” Yuu replied awkwardly.

Immediately, Gara scooted up to where his leather erection almost touched Yuu’s chin. Lovingly, he stroked the guitarist’s hair, just as he would do him, to prepare him for what was to come.

“Have you ever sucked a dick before? Be honest.”

Yuu’s eyes bulged, his gaze stuck on his friend’s boner. A streak of sweat went past his forehead.

“N-no, not really.”

 _I can believe that._ Gara smiled, enough to where it might as well have cracked his face and slowly, he unzipped his shorts as he bit down on his bottom lip.

His dick was still leaking by the time it popped out of its barriers, the clear fluids dripping onto Yuu’s lips. The guitarist must have gone into shock as his eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets at the beautiful sight. Was this seriously happening right now?!

“Well?” Gara cooed as the tip of his dick kissed at Yuu. Hesitantly, Yuu followed orders and slowly opened his mouth.

He couldn’t understand how he even got himself in this situation, and yet somehow, he was grateful. He was truly seeing all of Gara, literally seeing him in the flesh, for the first time. He was actually having sex with the man he’s known for the last 15+ years. Never did he imagine it would ever get to this point…he prayed to not feel a pinch during this whole thing.

Obviously inexperienced, Yuu tried to get the hang of fellating his best friend as he savored the taste of his throbbing cock. Keeping his head raised with the help of a vocal Gara, his lips sucked at the fully exposed head. He was taking his sweet time as he hesitated to go further down. Fortunately for him, Gara was handling it well, as he rocked his hips to the sensation. As aroused as he was, Gara took it easy on him for it being his first time. Yuu placed his hand on Gara’s asscheek and grabbed it, making Gara jump in slight astonishment. He couldn’t help but give him a congratulatory smirk. Guess he had that going for him…

A few more licks and thrusts by the vocalist helped Yuu advance downwards onto his length. His confidence grew as he felt Gara writhe above him, his body now bending back as if he were already about to reach his limit. Yuu’s eyes were glued to Gara’s ribs that stuck out of his torso as he began to convulse. The other’s shy moans were more audible, distracting enough to make Yuu pause for a second; he only realized it when Gara suddenly nudged at him with his groin to keep going.

It was truly a sight to behold.

He didn’t want to stop. He wanted to go deeper, wanted to make Gara go crazy as he would in their concerts. But it was too early for that, he realized, as he felt warm fluids pour onto his tongue. A trickle of cum got caught in his throat and he coughed up Gara’s dick in response, followed by the fresh puddle of semen. He proceeded to cough for a few more minutes to catch his breath as he felt Gara sit back down on him, and swallowed what remained in his mouth, which was now mostly intertwined with loose spit.

“I-I’m sorry…” he panted.

“No...you were great,” Gara interjected, looking visibly exhausted. He stroked the guitarist’s bangs back and cupped his face once more.

Yuu smiled. He watched as Gara scooted away from him, and crawled to where his legs were. He could only give him a puzzled stare as Gara raised his legs up for him and held them close as he rested his head on his knees.

Judging by his placement, he had a feeling he knew what he was going to do next.

_Gulp._

“Are you ready for your reward?” Gara asked innocently.

At least he _did_ ask. Yuu was surprised at how gentle his friend was being all of a sudden. He had pictured him as being an aggressive lover, but in this situation, he was quite the opposite, much more considerate than he had been earlier when he forced himself on him. Thankfully, with what was going to happen this time, he calmed down and so did Yuu’s nerves. Gara’s thin hands rubbing all over his jeans was also helping things settle down. 

However, the guitarist couldn’t help but feel a little skeptical. Although he had a nice first blowjob experience, he had a feeling that something was a bit off. This mood change was so sudden, this whole... _thing_ , was so sudden, and he felt like he was caught in the middle, besides being caught in a dream, of course. The last thing he wanted to happen was to have this dream end. He braced himself, not only for the inevitable, but for possible consequences. It was best to say something now or give in to his virginal lust and do something he’d later regret.

“Is this genuine?” he finally blurted out.

Gara looked up.

Nervously, Yuu continued, “This doesn’t feel real...I mean, I know it’s happening, but...do you really…”

“Like you?” Gara finished for him.

“Yeah... _that_ .”

The younger vocalist looked away for a moment as his hands remained on the other’s clothed legs. His hesitation was a bit troublesome, and Yuu detected that he had hit something in there, that he had triggered something in Gara’s head. Mentally, they both went back to that incident at the venue, where one was caught in an unlikely position and was greeted with both shock and concern from the other. Gara didn’t want to bring it up again, not in front of Yuu, but he figured that was the reason why the question was brought up.

“Surely you don’t think--”

Yuu only nodded.

His heart sank. Gara held onto Yuu’s legs, nuzzling as he pressed his lips on his knee. Glaring into the other’s eyes, his vision slowly began to blur. His heart beat at his chest as he continued to process it all in. Of course this was happening. He wouldn’t ever open himself up like this to just anyone. He hadn’t felt a love like this in years. Kyo was a different story, but...Yuu was special in a way that he couldn’t really describe. Besides, it was much easier for them to be together as he had been working with him 24/7 after all.

“Of course I like you,” Gara finally spoke, chuckling nervously, “you’re...you’re always there for me.”

At this moment, being interrogated by Yuu’s doubtful stare felt quite as intimidating as Kyo’s, if not more. Gara was now being put through a different test, one that tested his devotion to one of his closest friends. He wasn’t the best at putting his feelings out there if it wasn’t by song, but he didn’t want Yuu to be ripped away from him because of something he did.

Yuu really couldn’t understand it, and again, he didn’t want him to.

“Yeah, I get that...but honestly...are you going back to _him_ once you're done with me?”

Suddenly, Gara thought he felt his eyes water up and he quickly hid himself in Yuu’s neck once more, embracing him as tight as possible. The room became still as the only sound that was heard was Gara’s sobbing. Dumbfounded, Yuu placed his hand on the other’s back and questioned what he did. He may have struck a cord, but he did what he had to do. This was not the Gara he was familiar with...he was just, too sweet. Maybe _too_ sweet. He had never opened up to him like this before. It wasn’t like they were hanging out at a restaurant as friends on a normal day. Maybe the fact that they were in bed together still hadn't processed in his mind yet, but Yuu knew Gara better than that. The awkward tension made its way back in the bedroom as the guitarist began to feel a little uncomfortable. In the many years since he's known him, Gara had never broke down like this in front of him before, and he didn't know how to comfort him. His neck was already getting pretty damp.

“Don't leave me… please don't leave me…” Gara whispered through tears.

“I'm not. We still work together, remember?”

He flinched as he felt Gara angrily dig his fingers into the skin of his back.

_Ok, I guess this isn’t the time for that._

He sympathized with Gara in this vulnerable state, and he held him close and gave a small peck on his bushy mane.

“I like you very much, Makoto. I always have. I just gotta be sure you feel the same.”

Gara was quiet for a moment as he continued to let out his sorrows. His heart beat rapidly to the sound of those words.

“I do. I...I love you so much...I want to get closer to you,” he whimpered, his blushing face burning like a lovestruck teenager, “I want to be more than just your friend. You mean more to me than that,” Gara sighed, giving Yuu a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“How can I make sure of that?”

Taking a deep breath, Gara rose up from Yuu’s shoulder, his tangled strands of hair still wet from his tears, which still ran down his bony face. He placed his hand on Yuu’s cheek and stroked at it lovingly with his thumb.

“I'll prove it to you,” he laughed, “I'll let you come inside of me, just like you always wanted!”

Yuu’s eyebrows shot up.

“I wanted to take you first, but it's your first time, and…” The lump in his throat made him pause for a second.

“I feel you don't trust me enough yet, do you?”

Yuu shook his head.

“It’s ok…- _sniff -..._ I don’t blame you.” He planted a couple more kisses on Yuu’s face and hugged him for a moment, holding his head close to his shoulder. The whole time, Yuu was anxious, uncharacteristically stoic, probably from the fact that -- _no_ . He stopped himself from thinking that far. He wanted to make it work. He wanted to belong to this man, and this man only. Now his feelings were all sorted out.

He never wanted to see Kyo ever again.

Vehemently, he scrambled to unbutton the guitarist’s jeans for him as he yanked off his underwear. Out popped out Yuu’s short thick cock, still surprisingly hard after all this time.

_Fuck…_

His mouth began to water.

Looking the other man in the eye, he pulled his shorts down and positioned himself above the pulsing organ.

“This is my punishment.”

With no assistance, and a bit of difficulty, Gara forced himself all the way down Yuu’s length, and the two bandmates both let out a loud cry that practically filled the house. Gara’s voice quivered as he rocked his hips, massaging his insides with Yuu’s dick. Yuu moaned as he felt the sensation of the other’s sphincter, a bit tighter than he thought it would be, judging from Gara’s embarrassingly haggard state back at the venue. He squinted his eyes shut for pleasure, and also to block out that memory. At this point, nothing else mattered. If he had to choose who would take his virginity, then he believed Gara was the person for the job. Besides having a longtime affection for his bandmate, he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

For his first time, he was glad to be able to claim Gara as his own, even if Gara was in power at the moment.

Instead of having him do all the work on his own, Yuu cooperated by stroking at Gara’s cock, much to the other’s satisfaction, voiced by his hard breathing. As the bulging peak stuck out of the foreskin with each jerk, he also took the time to rub his thumb on the leaking hole.

“ _Ahhh-haaaa...fuck!!_ D-don’t do that!!” Gara whined.

His body shook to the core as he grabbed at Yuu’s shoulders for dear life. His legs started to tense up to the sudden stimulation. Now face to face with Yuu, his glare just about sent chills down the guitarist’s spine as he lifted himself almost off of his dick. The staredown would only last a couple of seconds when he then slammed himself on Yuu’s groin yet again, the impact causing him to emit a piercing howl that was loud enough to crack his voice.

Yuu was about breathless at this point; he might as well have blacked out by now. He fastened his pace as he tried his damndest to milk Gara’s cock. This was a total 180 from earlier and he didn’t expect Gara to go all out on their first escapade. Or maybe he should have...the man was like a switch whether it was an ordinary day or a live date. Even in a daze, he felt Gara’s ass clench at his cock, devouring him whole to the rhythm of their flesh pounding at each other, the creaking bed serving as backup. Throughout the ordeal, the duo served a panting duet that seemed to grow louder with each thrust.

A shriek ripped out of Yuu’s throat when Gara harshly pinched and pulled at his erect nipples. The sex-crazed fiend smirked in response to his own torment.

“Is this, _ha_ , what you wanted?! To be _fucked_ by your own whore leader?!” he breathed out, “I _wanted_ you... _I wanted you so bad!!_ ”

Menacingly, he continued to torture the timid guitarist, massaging the beads with the muscles of his thumbs and scratching at the other’s flesh with the rest of his fingers. The heat in the room started to settle in as the power-hungry vocalist’s heavy breathing began to accelerate, his moans now reduced to harsh groans.

“You must be at your limit now!!” he exclaimed sluggishly, “ _Pour it all in me, Yuu! Fill me up!! Fucking punish me like the whore that I am!!_ ”

The vocalist’s words triggered the inner demons within Yuu enough for the guitarist’s free hand to grab at Gara’s fishnet thigh with all his might. He then vented out his frustrations by violently thrusting into the true object of his affections. Gara croaked in surprise, his dropped jaw frozen in place as his squeals competed with the sounds of the constant pounding. His trembling body became hot and his bones stiffened and all he could see at this point was stars.

Stars that he wanted to see with Yuu.

His mind flashed back to the lights in the city that shone brightly at nighttime. He wondered if Yuu liked the sight too...it was nice, especially when they would randomly perform together outside just for the fans. He knew the guitarist was easily impressed by little things like these too. A walk in a place like this at this time would be really nice. A really nice getaway from their hectic schedule...just the two of them together.

The lights began to flicker. The moon wasn’t visible on this night.

_He took him for granted. That poor gullible bastard…_

Yuu’s seed burst in Gara’s insides, causing the other to climax as well. The last bit of his energy was depleted as his fluids were squeezed out of him by the other’s grip as it shot up into the air and landed on Yuu’s stomach. Fatigued, he collapsed on Yuu’s chest as his coated dick slipped out of his drenched hole with ease. The room was quiet once more as the fresh sexual aroma coronated the two as established lovers. They could now rest, but not before Gara’s tongue decided to circle around Yuu’s for just one more taste. Sloppily, they locked lips again to seal the deal before their heads dropped back down.

“Makoto...I love you.”

 

_Relief..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gee willikers! A year later, and I've finally brought an update! I'm so sorry for the unexpected downtime, but life can be very, _very_ busy sometimes. I'll try not to be this late for the final chapter, coming soon! ;3

_Regret._

He surely thought this was all just a dream.  
  
He was wrong. Yuu’s hot breath on his neck had startled him enough to wake him up. The other’s arm was wrapped around him and it was warm. Very warm. He didn’t want to break away from it.  
  
But quickly he did, but gently enough to not wake Yuu. Without thinking, he discarded his shorts and leggings for his own pants, and went through the guitarist’s clothes drawers to look for a shirt. He threw on one of Merry’s licensed shirts, slipped into one of Yuu’s slippers, fixed himself up and made his way outside.  
  
It was early in the morning, he figured, as the moon and stars still shone brightly in the night sky. Pacing through the quiet neighborhood, Gara’s mind was totally blank, void of all thought after what had occurred yesterday. He didn’t want to dwell on it. He just wanted to walk it off.  
  
_Walk, walk, walk_...to where, he didn’t know exactly. All he wanted to do was cleanse himself.  
  
Cleanse himself of the atrocities he committed on this day.  
  
His chest grew heavy. His body felt so dirty, so fucking dirty that he just wanted to rip himself out of his skin and let it decay. There was no going back. He couldn’t turn back time. The damage was already done. He crossed his arms and gripped at the sleeves of his shirt, constructing his own straight jacket in order to not lose all control.  
  
_It’s never going to be the same..._  
  
Briefly blinded by bright headlights, he dodged through passing cars as he ran across the street, despite the stinging pain that was still rampant throughout his body. He might as well have chosen to be roadkill at this point as he continued to wander the streets like a stray animal.  
  
_How did I get here?_  
  
His vision began to blur as he descended further into the dark hole. There was nothing but fog all around him, swallowing him up until he could no longer be seen. The sight of his breath appeared in the cold air as he panted and the mist in his eyes began to fall apart as he felt tears roll down his cheeks.  
  
_How did it get like this?_  
  
Besides being a humanoid pig, he was also an unfaithful one, and one day he would pay the price for that somehow. Only time would tell since Kyo was always busy with his tour schedule with both of his bands. He didn't have to know, not for a long time. Though that didn’t stop Gara from kicking himself more and more. It was only supposed to be a one-time thing. But he chose to get carried away and decided to drag Yuu into this. It wasn’t supposed to go this far...  
  
_Are you going back to_ him _once you’re done with me?_  
  
Suddenly, he was thrust right back into reality as he found himself go face-first with the soil in the wet grass. In the dirt, like a pathetic sap, he wept profusely, wishing he had kept everything to himself like usual without getting anyone else involved.  
  
The pig screeched and wailed, covered in his own brown muck in the pigpen. No matter how many times he tried to escape in order to roam the pasture, he always ended up getting tangled in the rusting barbed wire. The only purpose he was serving at the moment was dampening the soil with his tears.  
  
He never intended to let everything get so astray. There was absolutely no way in hell that he would be forgiven by either man, who both meant everything to him, and along with having to choose between the two, that meant having to choose between his desires and his morals. The whole thing was driving him fucking insane.  
  
The abrupt sound of a car motor murmuring beside him quickly got his attention, yet he didn’t bother to budge. They might as well flatten his sorry ass while he’s down.  
  
“Makoto _-kun_?” a familiar voice rang out from the tinted windows and that was about enough for Gara to snap out of his trance.  
  
With no further thoughts to interrupt him or to question what he was doing, he let the man help him up and he followed him along in his expensive ride.

♦

The sunset hit Gara’s eyes as dawn broke out and he thought he heard a song he was familiar with playing on the speakers. He vaguely remembered getting into this car earlier, but it didn't take him long to recognize whose voice it was until he listened more closely and decided to turn his head to face the driver.  
  
The sight of long auburn locks and a dark stubble caused him to jolt.  
  
“Kiyoharu?!”  
  
“Heya~” Kiyoharu smirked, keeping his usual chill expression that Gara was so familiar with.  
  
“What are you doing here?” inquired the younger vocalist, now wide-awake and widely aware of his surroundings. He noticed he was mostly cleared off from the dirt pavement he had landed on earlier, save for some particles that were still in his hair and buried among his gums.  
  
Kiyoharu quickly turned down the radio, “Meh, just riding around. Then I happened to see you like this. Thought you were dead....you got real fucked up last night, didn’t you?”  
  
“You could say that,” Gara murmured, spitting out what he could of some remnants of sand.  
  
“ _Well!!_ “ Kiyoharu chuckled, “Then spill it, man! I gotta know what happened!”  
  
Gara sighed, a chill sparking up in his spine.  
  
“Last night’s live was pretty…wild. Other than that, our CD recording is kinda stressing me out.”  
  
As he thought, he could already tell Kiyoharu’s bullshit detector was functioning properly. Gara began to feel even more horrible. Like the others, he and the veteran musician have known each other for a long time. However, the relationship was more of a father/son type of bond, as the latter actually inspired him to get started on music in the first place, and later helped the band climb up to success as their producer, which was basically a godsend. Now, the two were close friends as they trusted each other enough to go beyond business morals and discuss their personal issues.  
  
“Mm,” Kiyoharu replied, “why don't I just take you out somewhere? Maybe then you'll actually _talk_.”  
  
Gara huffed and rolled his eyes, “Hmph...Like there's bars still open this early in the morning…”  
  
“Actually, there is.”  
  
Minutes later, he pulled up to a building at the center of town, right beside a menu display from another restaurant. There were only a few other vehicles parked by them, but then again, there were various restaurants in this area. After parking the car, the two exited out and they walked to and up the staircase that led to the place in question. Gara’s eyes locked onto the chandeliers that hung above them as they approached the door. His chest began to ache.  
  
Kiyoharu unlocked the door and as they went inside, Gara’s eyes caught a familiar portrait of the singer himself, plus a guitar sitting nearby the entrance. A LCD monitor was displayed above the shelf that was filled with a display of various alcoholic drinks, and thus he realized they were actually in Babylon, the bar that the former happened to own. Unsurprisingly, the small place was empty at this time, and all that was left was the waitress cleaning up the tables under the dimming lights, and the bartender swiping up the mess presumably left by the drunkards who would frequent here in the late hours of the night.  
  
_Late hours_ , Gara thought, _late hours that should’ve been spent here._  
  
Alone.  
  
The two sat down on the leather chairs as the bartender was finishing up. Gara heard the door open again - the waitress must have clocked out and took off.  
  
“She’s lucky. We’re just now about to close.”  
  
As the plump bartender, who was visibly drowsy, put away his cleaning rag, Kiyoharu halted him just in case he planned to slip away too.  
  
“Nuh-uh! Not so fast!”  
  
Hastily, the bartender returned to the counter and inquired the men on what drinks they would have.  
  
“Two sakes please.”  
  
Gara frowned in disgust. He wasn’t quite in the mood for alcohol this early in the day, but at least it was something that could help him forget his demons, even for just a moment. His mood quickly lifted as he felt Kiyoharu’s hand patting him on his shoulder. The confident smile that the older vocalist gave him felt endearing, yet a bit intimidating, and strangely, he was comfortable with that.  
  
Kiyoharu was always that type of guy, the type who would keep pestering and pestering until he got a word out. He especially loved picking on Gara, whether it was playful flirtations or just dicking around with him. As much as Gara hated it, he was kind-of used to it, as he also had friends like Nero, Tatsurou, and Hazuki, who all had a habit of doing similar antics with him. At least that meant he really cared.  
  
The bartender served their glasses and was then dismissed, much to Gara’s surprise. He took his glass, and at first, he hesitated, questioning whether any of this was even a good idea. He wasn’t really much of an alcoholic anyway.  
  
“Go on. I run this place after all,” Kiyoharu cooed, taking a sip of his own drink.  
  
Well, to hell with it. Gara did just that, and as he lifted his glass to his lips, his eyes began to wander.  
  
Kiyoharu’s restaurant was absolutely gorgeous. The bright chandeliers and TV display lit up the otherwise shadowy establishment, as the softly muffled music played in the background. It was a rather mellow atmosphere to be a part of, the total opposite of a typical bar, especially one that happened to be owned by the infamous punk rocker. Now that he thought about, it was kind-of romantic, an ideal place to dine at, especially with a date.  
  
The bitter taste of sake entered his throat as he quickly wiped away a stray tear before the other could see. He swallowed harshly to get rid of the lump that was forming below.  
  
“Another.”  
  
Tenderly, Kiyoharu fulfilled his request, and together he and Gara each took another shot. It became a sort of a pattern, as they took turns filling each other’s glasses.  
  
It was just the two of them together, just like old times. He couldn’t go wrong with that. With all the chaos going on now, Gara took the time to cherish this moment, despite his tiredness from that long walk away from Yuu's house finally settling in. With how busy they both were nowadays, there was no guarantee that he would ever get the chance to do this again.  
  
Slowly, his vision drew to a haze, and without thinking, Gara opened his mouth, but not for another drink.  
  
“Do you ever get the feeling,” he began cautiously, “that you've probably taken things too far?”  
  
Puzzled, Kiyoharu’s brows raised up. “Hm?”  
  
“Spur of the moment thing...does it really mean anything?”  
  
“I...I may have rushed into this too quickly,” Gara continued, his timid voice straining with each word as his thin fingers grabbed at his thick dark locks, “Blew it up even...to the point of fucking up everything.”  
  
Kiyoharu may not have known what he was going on about, but at least he seemed to have some sympathy. There was more going on that was bubbling up in that complex maze that made up Gara’s mind, which deteriorated as he drank more and more. In fact, the latter chose to ditch the glass and dive straight into the bottle, much to the older musician's surprise and amusement. Without a single pause, he engulfed the rest of the contents of the bottle, blindly slamming it on the counter after swallowing the last drop. Not caring to wipe his mouth, he let out a hot breath and threw his head down, burying his own sorrows into his arms.  
  
“Ah, going for another round, eh?” Kiyoharu chuckled, briefly patting the other’s back before quickly being pushed away.  
  
Frustrated, Gara turned away from him, not bothering to lift up his head from the table. Realizing the shift of the mood, Kiyoharu looked up and cleared his throat.  
  
"I feel you, man. I feel you. We’re all bound to fuck up at some point,” he replied casually, “After all, life is short. Take advantage of that.”  
  
And with that, the miserable fuck whined that he wanted another drink. Nonetheless, the agile older man didn't hesitate, climbing over the counter to fetch another beverage. As he sweetly took his time, Gara could do nothing but mope. This was what he deserved. He hoped his brain would just turn into a pile of mush so he wouldn't have to spend the rest of the day thinking about a certain blonde-streaked guitarist or a short but demented vocalist. His body was starting to quiver uncontrollably; the alcohol was kicking in in full gear as their words continued to gnaw at his brain.  
  
_Fucking pig…_  
  
The tears wouldn't stop falling.  
  
_I thought you were more dignified than that._  
  
He might as well have lost control of his bowels again, his entrails were practically tangling up inside of him.  
  
He'd never felt so pathetic in his life.  
  
_What did you do to make him do that to you?_  
  
His hand suddenly slammed the table, causing the other to jump.  
  
“ _Jesus!_ ”  
  
Startled, Kiyoharu fumbled with a bottle that nearly slipped out of his hands.  
  
“Chill out man, I can't afford to have a fuckin’ stroke this late in my career!” he exclaimed, briefly clutching the drink onto his chest.  
  
Taking a breath, he set the new bottle on the counter, “This should help you relax. Just don’t fuckin’ kill us.”  
  
The usually humble Gara was heaving, almost piss-drunk at this point. His face was now a sloppy, puffy mess, as strands of hair stuck onto his tear-streaked cheekbones and a string of saliva hung from his plump red lips above the table. His rage-filled eyes were already bloodshot and weary from all the recent stress.  
  
He gathered enough strength to finally raise himself up, and was able to see that it wasn’t another round of sake. The bottle was blood red and the label seemed to have been strategically removed - Gara didn’t give it much thought, it was probably some strong shit that Kiyoharu hoarded to himself during one of his long tours. Feeling privileged, the younger vocalist popped open the beverage and took a test drink - again, from the bottle itself. His brows furrowed in disapproval as he swallowed - pretty sure wine wasn’t what he was expecting from Kiyoharu - but at this point, he stopped caring. Right now, anything counted as medicine. He shrugged and followed it up by chugging down about half of the beverage until he stopped to catch his breath and looked up.  
  
“Want some?”  
  
Kiyoharu smiled approvingly.  
  
“Nah, I'm good.”  
  
Puzzled, Gara leered at him for a moment.  
  
“Mm...”  
  
Nonetheless, he guzzled down the rest of the drink as much as he could, so much so that his gulps were quite audible and some fluids were leaking down his chin, making droplets on his shirt. By the time he finished, he sighed boorishly, seductively licking his wet lips which were stained in a perfectly dark crimson.  
  
Seeing that Gara was finally starting to lighten up, Kiyoharu offered him another drink.  
  
Gara could barely look back at him with how glassy his eyes were. This definitely wasn’t wine he was drinking; it was a hell of a lot stronger, but there didn’t seem to be a tinge of alcohol in it. However, he liked the intoxicated feeling he was getting from it nonetheless.  
  
“Another…” a smile cracked his face as he managed to hold back a cackle.  
  
At this point, his mind was beginning to grow fuzzy. Just like he wanted. He hadn’t drank like this since Daisuke died. He wanted to keep drinking more and more and more, until his body would give up and send him crashing down into oblivion. For just one day, he wanted to forget about everything, forget that he was even alive, forget about his mere existence. He hated getting old and staying clean and most of all, feeling all these bothersome emotions. He longed to be a blank slate again.  
  
His body began to grow warm all of a sudden; not as in the warm and fuzzy feeling of being around his mentor, but rather warm due to the sudden outbreak of heat in the room. Maybe it was the bar’s air conditioning fucking up, or maybe _he_ was the one getting real fucked up this time.  
  
Another bottle of the mysterious substance appeared in front of him and he happily took it as if his life depended on it. After a bit of trouble getting it open, he gulped down some more, slightly missing his mouth a bit as more fluids trickled down his shirt.  
  
“Slow it down man...you know you have a show tomorrow, right?” Kiyoharu inquired.  
  
Aggravated, Gara then stopped to catch his breath again and scowled at the other man. Who was he to tell him to slow down after making him start in the first place? The nerve… He wasn’t even thinking about the band at the moment, nor was he thinking of his own well-being. His eyes fixated on Kiyoharu as his mouth opened to retort, but no words came out. As of this moment, something about the older man triggered something inside him, emitting a rather strong reaction from his body.  
  
Strangely enough, Gara’s body heated up more as his heart pounded in his chest, the sound overshadowing Kiyoharu’s voice, which now sounded more like distant chatter. Only harsh breaths came out, as if he was longing, _desiring_ for something, but what? He had already drank almost four bottles of wine and sake in a row, yet his mouth thirst for something more. One look at Kiyoharu’s exposed collarbone was all it took for his body to fully turn against him. Tensely setting the half-empty bottle down on the counter without taking his eyes off his mentor, his legs began to squirm as he felt his pants tighten. Offput by what may have been his drunkenness, his eyes darted downwards, trying his best to hide his discomfort from below.  
  
_Wha….what the hell?_  
  
All he saw now was nothing but a blur, the muffled sounds growing louder like darts to his ears. In a kneejerk reaction, he felt his body flinch from being touched, presumably by his mentor. Confused, the intoxicated man shamefully covered his chest, his mind having yet to process just what the hell was going on. His legs continued to fidget about as he tried to fight off his pulsing member which was starting to emerge from beneath his thighs.  
  
That was what he had forgotten back at Yuu’s - a pair of underwear.  
  
The cloud of shame continued to hover over him as his eyes started to drift out of reality. As he tried to fight off losing all consciousness, he also had trouble keeping himself still in his chair. His arm on the bar began to go limp, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and the next thing he knew, even gravity turned its back on him and his body met a harsh landing on the floor along with the stool he sat in.

♦

Suddenly he saw himself in the guitarist’s cutesy room yet again, the nauseatingly bright wallpaper filled with pictures of the band’s animal characters being a cheap replacement for the sunlight that was blocked off by the otherwise darker curtains. Thankfully, he felt his bandmate’s arm still wrapped around him, which softened his mood. He clasped his hand around Yuu’s in response.  
  
“Makoto…” he thought he heard the other say as he too was just now waking up. The vocalist opened his mouth to respond, but before he could do so, tender lips pressed against his rather harshly, but given the night they had before, it wasn’t much of a surprise. Like a jolt of static, his morning wood responded accordingly and a nice follow-up to last night’s encounter sounded like a done deal…  
  
Yuu’s tongue slithered around Gara’s, as he wrapped his arms around his thin waist and caressed him like his newlywed bride. He then went deeper in an attempt to get a taste of Gara’s throat, and the awestruck vocalist suddenly bent his head back in response.  
  
“ _My god_ , Yuu....” he breathed out as the younger man broke away, “if I had known you were this dirty, we would’ve fucked all night long, don’tcha think?” He smirked as the two locked lips again, feeling Yuu getting on top of him. For some reason, he was expecting a response from the other, probably something dorky, but the guitarist was unusually silent. Then again, he was fresh from a good night’s sleep after what had transpired last night, and the shyness hadn’t worn off after their first time being intimate, Gara realized.  
  
The sensation of both their hardened cocks rubbing together yet again emitted a small moan from Gara, as he was further entangled into Yuu’s embrace. He wrapped his arms around him, his hands savoring the feeling of the other’s flesh, which was quite broad in contrast to what he remembered from before. Maybe it was the act of him managing to touch his body at all, the shock still present even after their first time.  
  
He then found himself being taken off-guard by Yuu, who had decided to break off their kiss yet again by harshly biting his bottom lip. Gara slightly flinched and he happened to look into Yuu’s eyes - they were just like his, more sinister and demented, already enjoying their follow-up ordeal. This was quite different from the innocent virgin who was anxious about even getting into this relationship, much less even being sexually active with his own bandmate. But now was not the time to dwell as Gara had successfully converted his old friend and managed to wrap him around his finger.  
  
Or so he thought…  
  
This time, he was taken aback by Yuu grabbing him by the balls and massaging them aggressively, his hands eagerly clutching at the flesh. With each squeeze, Gara could do nothing but wince as he looked down below. His legs strained in arousal underneath Yuu, yet that didn't stop the guitarist from abruptly raising up to lick Gara real quick and then proceed to move down to his protruding nipples. Gara yelped and shot his head back as the other man sucked on his nipples like a hungry child, coming close to actually biting him a couple of times, while his unoccupied hand milked the other nipple with each squeeze. To make matters worse, the guitarist’s body was also preoccupied, as Yuu swayed his hips as his leaking cock was frotting with Gara’s down below, their fluids making preparations for what was about to come.  Although it was early, the pressure was mounting, and Gara’s body quivered with excitement, unable to stand it any longer.  
  
“ _Fuck_ , just take me already!” he hissed, setting up entry by opening his legs, “You sure are more rougher than usual!”  
  
Without hesitation, Yuu took up on his friend’s lewd invitation and quickly pressed the head of his cock against the other’s twitching sphincter. In what seemed like an instant, it felt like half of his length was already inside Gara.  
  
“ _Ah,_ **_fuck!!_ ** ” he shrieked, his body still shaking and growing hot from the newfound pleasure, “ _Not so ha~ard!!_ ”  
  
As Gara shamefully covered his face, Yuu began thrusting into him, as if the two were continuing where they had left off before. This time, he was uncharacteristically aggressive, which would have normally puzzled Gara, but no...not in this case. As he held his thighs up for dear life, the disgraced leader loved every fucking minute of it; the fact that he was being overpowered by his innocent companion was driving him insane. He lay helpless as his thin body was pinned onto the rocking bed, his knees now descending onto the bed sheets as his ass was raised all the way up, and his throat croaking out stifled moans as the other man tore into his body with each thrust. Somehow, this was much better than last night, but in the middle of getting fucked so silly, he couldn't quite point out why. In fact, this may have been the best fuck yet, even more enjoyable than with Kyo, who would make him do unflattering things that he would no longer tolerate at his age.  
  
He didn't have to worry about that with Yuu. Yuu had made him whole, and he was now his whole world. The moment that Yuu had entered him the first time, he realized that they were meant to be, as dramatic as that sounded. In fact, Gara was now nearing his forties, so as extravagant as his love life may have been before, he had to settle down at some point and retire from his sadomasochistic desires...or rather, reserve them for one person for once.  
  
And he wanted that person to be Yuu Yamaguchi.  
  
For maybe the first time in his life, he felt truly blessed with someone who really cared, who actually loved him for the way he was, and made him sane. He no longer felt like a tool that was only there to please others, or to even please himself. He wanted to mean something, and after many years with Yuu, their connection was long established and the end result was simply destiny. His voice grew faint and his heart beat harder in his chest as Yuu’s vessel ventured deeper inside him, their bodies both succumbing to the heat of the atmosphere.  
  
Through the blur made by his tears, Gara visualized Yuu’s sweating body above him. It was far from godlike, but that didn't stop him from worshipping it like an overzealous disciple. He reached his hands out to embrace him and vowed once again to never let go. As they were both nearing their limit, he wanted to part from him with one last kiss for this session before they were to continue life together and go on to band rehearsal, as if nothing unusual had happened. More importantly, his fate would finally be sealed - he belonged to Yuu, and _only_ to him. However, his fingertips only managed to grace through a slight hint of the sweat beads on Yuu’s skin before it was suddenly put to a halt.  
  
Abruptly, Gara’s neck began to feel tight, so tight that he began gasping from air, as if he had forgotten how to breathe. His moans were now reduced to gutteral wheezes, as if there was a blockage in his air passageway. His hands now shook, not only because of sexual ecstasy as they had both just climaxed, but because he was struggling to stay conscious. As the other’s seed poured into him almost endlessly, the scenery around him began to grow blurrier and dimmer and all he could remember was his lover’s strained face as his heaving breath was hitting his face.  
  
“ _Wha...what are you...doing…?!_ ” a weakening Gara managed to get out, as he struggled to break the other’s grip on his neck.  
  
If he were to die at this moment, he was relieved it would be by Yuu’s hands…finally, his very own happy ending.  
  
Baptized by his own seed trickling down to his glowing chest, his soul left his body at last and ascended into the clouds, but not before a brief glimpse of red locks flashed before his eyes.

 

The barbed wire continued to pierce his skin evermore...


End file.
